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Loneliness
Submitted by Jenny on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 16:50
Doug Fields on Twitter last week:
There is a depth of loneliness in ministry that seminary doesn't prepare you for. Or...maybe it's leadership in general.
I'm still in seminary so I feel pretty supported. But I get a sense from clergy that this quote is true. What behaviors can we set as students that make this easier?
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Loniless
One practice that most young people have lost touch with is making community with those older than us. It is great to find companions and friends who are in our life situation, but I have found value in being mentored and letting the older congregants love me in the many ways that they do. There is a certain amount of pride that we need to leave behind.
In general though I think embracing God in solitude is an important practice, but finding some sort of group, spouse or friends as a release from ministry duties is essential to staying sane.
I think the UMC does need to consider this though, as many young clergy get sent off to rural churches to "practice" before they go to the metropolitan cities. I realize the pay scale and all that is associated, but it'd be good for them to send young clergy as associates to places where there are young people to reach.
Loneliness
Jenny, you asked about what behaviors we can practice and example in response to feeling lonely. I think that a response to this loneliness might depend on naming the problem(s).
I've heard some young adult clergy mention simple geographic isolation - it's hard to be in full time ministry when the one person in your district within ten years of your age lives two hours away. I've also heard time and time again about how it is *isolating* to be discerning one's call...whether it means that you don't see models of other clergy (of all ages) doing what you are drawn to, or comparing oneself to other *young* clergy and feeling like one doesn't "match."
I think that a good response to feeling lonely is seeking out community, and also striving towards finding or building healthy places to serve. It may sound simplistic, but self care and intentionality within leadership are important.
Loneliness
"Let him who cannot be alone beware of community...Let him who is not in community beware of being alone...Each by itself has profound pitfalls and perils." Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together
Loneliness is difficult, yet being with others is challenging as well. I think the struggle is more like what April's describing in not fitting in, seeing role models, finding authentic connection and community. And that often arises within ourselves, however much it's exacerbated by the unique challenges of answering a call.
Practices of solitude, silence, and contemplation--being content with God and what God's given us here--might be the best answer, rather than trying to construct inauthentic or perilous community.
Loneliness
I've been as honest as possible about my loneliness, and I've had every response from being brushed off (even told "you're not lonely") to being asked in private how I was doing with that.
One thing I see is that loneliness can be a gift. It provides my inspiration to seek out the marginalized with the love of Jesus - because (though only to an extent) I can relate to them.